Daily posting and thus NaBloPoMo will not be happening for me. I have more uni work than I expected and I am dealing with some other things going on in my life that are getting in the way of blogging. If I am going to write this, I want it to be interesting and well thought out, not just crap typed in 5 minutes as I have to be off to do work of some sort.
I hope you'll come back to read when things are calmer.
x
Thursday 25 November 2010
Tuesday 23 November 2010
Monday 22 November 2010
Money Woes!
Hello nice people who read my daily rambles. Today is a ramble about how I am useless with money, and as a consequence am now nice a settled into the dregs of my overdraft. I have NO income, at all and my shitty bank are shit (HSBC) and will not increase my overdraft, even though I have kept my 1st year limit, and have always had an income previous to this year. So yeah, I am basically pooing myself, as I am off to the clothes show in a few weeks, also I have 2 birthdays and a few more christmas presents to buy. So this will be an interesting few weeks for me. I am lucky in that I am getting money for christmas presents because I am so poor, so with any luck, I will not be destitute for long.
If I was any good with money, this wouldn't have happened, but I'm not unfortunately. Well I have been these past few months, as I have noticed my balance getting lower and lower. And now, I am officially worried, I haven't maxed out my overdraft yet, but yeah. I am an idiot...one that shouldn't spend money she doesn't have. SO. The next 6 months is going to be scrimping, to get out of this overdraft so that I can tell my bank where to shove their student bank account. I have applied for 3 jobs as the one I have has no work going at the moment.
If anyone has a sure fire way that I can make a few grand, hit me up with your ideas, I damn well need them. Might become a pop star, or a high end prostitute. Same difference.
LOVE YOU.
x
If I was any good with money, this wouldn't have happened, but I'm not unfortunately. Well I have been these past few months, as I have noticed my balance getting lower and lower. And now, I am officially worried, I haven't maxed out my overdraft yet, but yeah. I am an idiot...one that shouldn't spend money she doesn't have. SO. The next 6 months is going to be scrimping, to get out of this overdraft so that I can tell my bank where to shove their student bank account. I have applied for 3 jobs as the one I have has no work going at the moment.
If anyone has a sure fire way that I can make a few grand, hit me up with your ideas, I damn well need them. Might become a pop star, or a high end prostitute. Same difference.
LOVE YOU.
x
Sunday 21 November 2010
Dear Friends
I owe all of you more than I could ever put into words, but I think now is right to write this. Some of you I have known now for longer than I care to remember! I have been so lucky to have these people in my life and I think they should know that. I am lucky just to know them, and even more so to be so close to these people. Most people think they are odd N. I am so glad we have found our friendship again. It's fantastic talking to you again and it is sad that we just realised how well we still got on just when you had to go away! You are fantastic and have helped me through so many difficult times recently, you know everything that is going on and you are one of the people I can tell literally everything too, regardless of importance. Z. I have known you through everything. Through the shit and fabulousness of the schools. You know me better than anyone, and I love you so much you would not believe. There is no one who makes me laugh like you, and the stupid memories we have together (pumpkin cake!) make me miss the time we used to spend together. You are elusive, but it's ok, because even if it has been months, it seems like no time has passed when we meet up. C. dear lord, I love you so much. You are mad and loud and outgoing and just fab. There is no one like you and there never will be! I don't think the world could handle it, but you truly are a gorgeous person throughout. M. You are epic, you have seals dressed as other things, for that reason alone, you are just epic. Seriously, you are adorable and so funny. T. I only spent some of 1st year with you, but because you are so lovely and cuddly and everything you became a fixture in my life. You introduced me to a pub nicer than the scAbington and when the shit hit the fan, you were there for me. A. I still have no idea how I am friends with you, but to be honest, I am so glad that I am. Your sense of humour is truly fantastic, and you are one of the most talented people I know. All those car journeys home from the pub will stick for a long time, and I will never be able to drive past that chinese again without being reminded of a still drunk/hungover, sleep deprived you. Sherif J. epic times at 6th form, further epic times outside of it. Not only are you fantastic when drunk, when sober, you are still willing to see a mildly neurotic post-break up me, which is nice. I will also never forget your face as you walked into my house one Halloween to see a 6ft lad dressed as a lady in fishnets or the millions of times you called him your life partner last time we were at the pub!
I have been so lucky to have friends that I can count on. At university I have met some of the most amazing people I ever could, and people who are just as neurotic as I am. H. you are simply amazing and lovely and gorgeous. S. you make me laugh so much, your spongebob obsession, and how keen you are, and also how we both sit in the crack of love. N. you are so strong, even though you might not think you are. You are girly and sweet and strong, it's gorgeous.
Other N. I know things didn't work out with us, but you are lovely, and sweet and funny, and I am so looking forward to building a friendship between us despite what happened otherwise.
T. remember band practice with Hairy Pork? You are so sweet, it's sad that you are up North, but you know, bad things happen to good people.
M. I have known you since that crappy Academy school. You are one of my best friends and I treasure you so much. Despite the fact we have argued when we were younger, it is so nice to have a close friendship with you even though you are far away. I love being a part of your life, and I hope you like still being a part of mine. You know me so well, and you know everything, you always have. I am so lucky to still have you in my life despite school changes, uni etc.
I could carry on, but to be honest, I'd be repeating myself. My friends are one of the key reasons I am still here and regardless of whether I have known them 10 or 2 years. I love them all dearly. I be perfectly honest, I lost a lot of friends and gained friends who now I don't know what I would do without. For me it's not how often I see them, it's just how good it is when I do see them, and the fact that we still manage to stay in contact despite distance and work and uni and everything. I'm so lucky as I never found a reason to like myself, but these people found something that I didn't see, and for that I am eternally grateful.
This is a bit of an odd post I know, but I have been thinking about it for a while, as you rarely get an opportunity to say these sorts of things.
Love.
x
I have been so lucky to have friends that I can count on. At university I have met some of the most amazing people I ever could, and people who are just as neurotic as I am. H. you are simply amazing and lovely and gorgeous. S. you make me laugh so much, your spongebob obsession, and how keen you are, and also how we both sit in the crack of love. N. you are so strong, even though you might not think you are. You are girly and sweet and strong, it's gorgeous.
Other N. I know things didn't work out with us, but you are lovely, and sweet and funny, and I am so looking forward to building a friendship between us despite what happened otherwise.
T. remember band practice with Hairy Pork? You are so sweet, it's sad that you are up North, but you know, bad things happen to good people.
M. I have known you since that crappy Academy school. You are one of my best friends and I treasure you so much. Despite the fact we have argued when we were younger, it is so nice to have a close friendship with you even though you are far away. I love being a part of your life, and I hope you like still being a part of mine. You know me so well, and you know everything, you always have. I am so lucky to still have you in my life despite school changes, uni etc.
I could carry on, but to be honest, I'd be repeating myself. My friends are one of the key reasons I am still here and regardless of whether I have known them 10 or 2 years. I love them all dearly. I be perfectly honest, I lost a lot of friends and gained friends who now I don't know what I would do without. For me it's not how often I see them, it's just how good it is when I do see them, and the fact that we still manage to stay in contact despite distance and work and uni and everything. I'm so lucky as I never found a reason to like myself, but these people found something that I didn't see, and for that I am eternally grateful.
This is a bit of an odd post I know, but I have been thinking about it for a while, as you rarely get an opportunity to say these sorts of things.
Love.
x
Saturday 20 November 2010
I AM A TERRIBLE BLOGGER
Ahh right, yesterday I was fully intending to brighten (murder) someones day by blogging. HOWEVER, I forgot I was going up north for some birthday family related things, and so it ended up out the window as did my internet. I am DISGRACEFUL. So here is a quick Saturday blog. I actually have no idea what I am really on about so I will tell you about my eventful (boring) yesterday.
SO. I went to university, and had a lecture on mediums. Which to be honest, was pretty sucky however we did get to watch a video in our seminar about some cold readers and stuff. Seriously, it's not hard and people proper fall for it. There were also some twins, one who went into a trance and contacted a dude called Blue Mountain, I must admit, it's pretty amusing. However, the module is parapsychology, and in this short video included only one instance of a dude going into a house where a woman supposedly saw spirits by her bed. They conducted some field work but didn't see anything. The cold reader medium however did. It's very interesting how quickly he works, our lecturer had seen him in person and he says all the same generic things and does 'automatic drawing' of a person in these spiritualist churches. The person he draws, is always the same, it is a genetic old person! Parapsychology is a bit of a looked down upon subject but I have to admit it is interesting to see how these so called paranormal activities can be researched and interpreted to appear as normal. Also it is interesting to see that some cannot be explained in terms of normal means.
So yeah, then I missed a lecture on depression (as I know far too much about the symptoms and diagnosis) and went to Chester to surprise my sister as she is 30 and had gone up there with her partner and son so we surprised her, had a few bevvys and then complained about the lack of phone signal in the North.
Also I am half way through the first final fantasy game, which is AWESOME.
Yeah so, there we go.
Love
x
SO. I went to university, and had a lecture on mediums. Which to be honest, was pretty sucky however we did get to watch a video in our seminar about some cold readers and stuff. Seriously, it's not hard and people proper fall for it. There were also some twins, one who went into a trance and contacted a dude called Blue Mountain, I must admit, it's pretty amusing. However, the module is parapsychology, and in this short video included only one instance of a dude going into a house where a woman supposedly saw spirits by her bed. They conducted some field work but didn't see anything. The cold reader medium however did. It's very interesting how quickly he works, our lecturer had seen him in person and he says all the same generic things and does 'automatic drawing' of a person in these spiritualist churches. The person he draws, is always the same, it is a genetic old person! Parapsychology is a bit of a looked down upon subject but I have to admit it is interesting to see how these so called paranormal activities can be researched and interpreted to appear as normal. Also it is interesting to see that some cannot be explained in terms of normal means.
So yeah, then I missed a lecture on depression (as I know far too much about the symptoms and diagnosis) and went to Chester to surprise my sister as she is 30 and had gone up there with her partner and son so we surprised her, had a few bevvys and then complained about the lack of phone signal in the North.
Also I am half way through the first final fantasy game, which is AWESOME.
Yeah so, there we go.
Love
x
Thursday 18 November 2010
The Mental Health Service
This will be a quick post today as I am off out. But I thought I should share an experience I had yesterday with the mental health service in my town.
I am currently under the care of the eating disorders service but I must add I suffer from bad anxiety and depression. Now I go for a follow up meeting as things have been going really badly for me, so basically this appointment has been cancelled...twice about 2 months ago I was meant to have this. This is after they forgot about me all month as 'they went on holiday'. Not only this but I have had so many appointments cancelled and moved as I am 'not urgent'. Now I was told by the psychologist that I shouldn't take this personally. Now I have had a fucking rough time the past 6 months, and they have been very aware of this. I wonder now what it takes to be urgent. I told them that this neglect from the service has basically made me want to be thinner as I am normal weight eating disorder sufferer. The service should be there to help me urgent or not, and to me, things have been urgent but because I was not about to kill myself, I was counted as being 'safe' to do this too.
In addition to this, I told them that I was still struggling to eat regularly and though I gained back a bit of the weight I lost, I still have been losing weight. I was told that they have given me everything they could and that I should be doing all the work to just make it happen. Ok well, by 'everything' we mean one 6 week behavioural course, with me going once every 3 weeks and then once every 2 weeks so this course lasted quite a while, but it was only an hour a time. So yeah. They have given me all the tools, so if I am not using them, it's my fault I am like this. Nice. I told them I felt like this, and they said there was nothing more they could do.
I told them my anxiety is getting really really bad. I get one of two options. 1. A wellbeing service, focused on CBT (google it) and I have done this before, I hated it, and it was horrible for me as my psychologist was always half an hour late, and told me I didn't want to get better as I wasn't trying hard enough (I was in tears at this point...) to get better. 2. I can do one 2 morning course.
I have suffered with anxiety for over 6 years.
2 mornings.
Of CBT
which I have done before
and which I know is short term from not only experience but also from the perspective of a psychology student.
When I say this, I am patronised, and they ask me what I want. I thought they were meant to help me, not just give me limited options. They are underfunded, but that doesn't help me, as selfish as that is.
I am made to feel ungrateful, but I don't want to do a course that is a waste of mine and someone else's time, especially when there is someone who may be better suited for their course.
They never once have tried to help with my depression, despite the fact I mention it every time I go to my follow ups.
I told them last time I had started self harming again (they know this is BAD for me, as I rarely do this except when I really cannot cope anymore) and they never mentioned it again, or treated me like it was serious other than whether I could self treat the injuries and wasn't using dirty things to cut.
oh.
My friend got a letter from the same service basically saying they had done all they could, and she wasn't better, so there was nothing they could do.
I'm starting to worry I'll get that too.
I know that I should WANT this and I do, and I am trying. But they should be trying to help me, not just saying that they have done what they can, and that if I am not doing it right, that it is my fault.
They just cover their backs.
They don't give a fuck.
Because I am not about to die, they don't give a fuck.
I told them this, they told me it was irrational and I know this. But if I was being treated better and not being told that I was 'forgotten' over the summer, as well as 'not urgent' maybe it would be easier.
I spoke to other people using the same service and when I told them I had been pushed aside more than once for urgent out-patient treatment, they said it was shocking and reiterated with what I said.
As this said to me, that I need to be urgent to get the treatment I need.
I know someone who had to tell the doctor she was going to kill herself, just so she could see a psychiatrist.
Also I haven't been treated formally (like cognitive, behavioural etc work) since...spring time. It's been a massive gap and I have only seen my key worker twice since then.
both times things were going down hill and still no service.
I have been abandoned by the very service trying to help me, and frankly I am disgusted.
They told me not to take it so personally on numerous occasions, but to be honest, it's insulting.
Even my parents who are normally quite laid back about these things were disgusted.
I'm eating now. Out of fucking spite. But to be honest, that's not right.
They have had the audacity to tell me I didn't want to recover before, even when I came to them first. Now I want this more than anything, and they are telling me that I am not trying hard enough, as they have...
Yeah..
x
I am currently under the care of the eating disorders service but I must add I suffer from bad anxiety and depression. Now I go for a follow up meeting as things have been going really badly for me, so basically this appointment has been cancelled...twice about 2 months ago I was meant to have this. This is after they forgot about me all month as 'they went on holiday'. Not only this but I have had so many appointments cancelled and moved as I am 'not urgent'. Now I was told by the psychologist that I shouldn't take this personally. Now I have had a fucking rough time the past 6 months, and they have been very aware of this. I wonder now what it takes to be urgent. I told them that this neglect from the service has basically made me want to be thinner as I am normal weight eating disorder sufferer. The service should be there to help me urgent or not, and to me, things have been urgent but because I was not about to kill myself, I was counted as being 'safe' to do this too.
In addition to this, I told them that I was still struggling to eat regularly and though I gained back a bit of the weight I lost, I still have been losing weight. I was told that they have given me everything they could and that I should be doing all the work to just make it happen. Ok well, by 'everything' we mean one 6 week behavioural course, with me going once every 3 weeks and then once every 2 weeks so this course lasted quite a while, but it was only an hour a time. So yeah. They have given me all the tools, so if I am not using them, it's my fault I am like this. Nice. I told them I felt like this, and they said there was nothing more they could do.
I told them my anxiety is getting really really bad. I get one of two options. 1. A wellbeing service, focused on CBT (google it) and I have done this before, I hated it, and it was horrible for me as my psychologist was always half an hour late, and told me I didn't want to get better as I wasn't trying hard enough (I was in tears at this point...) to get better. 2. I can do one 2 morning course.
I have suffered with anxiety for over 6 years.
2 mornings.
Of CBT
which I have done before
and which I know is short term from not only experience but also from the perspective of a psychology student.
When I say this, I am patronised, and they ask me what I want. I thought they were meant to help me, not just give me limited options. They are underfunded, but that doesn't help me, as selfish as that is.
I am made to feel ungrateful, but I don't want to do a course that is a waste of mine and someone else's time, especially when there is someone who may be better suited for their course.
They never once have tried to help with my depression, despite the fact I mention it every time I go to my follow ups.
I told them last time I had started self harming again (they know this is BAD for me, as I rarely do this except when I really cannot cope anymore) and they never mentioned it again, or treated me like it was serious other than whether I could self treat the injuries and wasn't using dirty things to cut.
oh.
My friend got a letter from the same service basically saying they had done all they could, and she wasn't better, so there was nothing they could do.
I'm starting to worry I'll get that too.
I know that I should WANT this and I do, and I am trying. But they should be trying to help me, not just saying that they have done what they can, and that if I am not doing it right, that it is my fault.
They just cover their backs.
They don't give a fuck.
Because I am not about to die, they don't give a fuck.
I told them this, they told me it was irrational and I know this. But if I was being treated better and not being told that I was 'forgotten' over the summer, as well as 'not urgent' maybe it would be easier.
I spoke to other people using the same service and when I told them I had been pushed aside more than once for urgent out-patient treatment, they said it was shocking and reiterated with what I said.
As this said to me, that I need to be urgent to get the treatment I need.
I know someone who had to tell the doctor she was going to kill herself, just so she could see a psychiatrist.
Also I haven't been treated formally (like cognitive, behavioural etc work) since...spring time. It's been a massive gap and I have only seen my key worker twice since then.
both times things were going down hill and still no service.
I have been abandoned by the very service trying to help me, and frankly I am disgusted.
They told me not to take it so personally on numerous occasions, but to be honest, it's insulting.
Even my parents who are normally quite laid back about these things were disgusted.
I'm eating now. Out of fucking spite. But to be honest, that's not right.
They have had the audacity to tell me I didn't want to recover before, even when I came to them first. Now I want this more than anything, and they are telling me that I am not trying hard enough, as they have...
Yeah..
x
Sorry!
I am very sorry for not posting yesterday, I have been sick and then I went out and I didn't sleep until 4 and stuff. I am a BAD blogger. I might not write a bit post today as I am battling a 3 day headache and stuff.
Love
x
Love
x
Tuesday 16 November 2010
Essays
Hey Essay. I know I have been ignoring you for a while, going out and partying and keeping busy. I just needed to get you out of my head. But I can't lie to you baby. I have missed you. The tip tap of the keys as I start to write you. The movement from introduction to critical evaluation. Essay baby, there is no one who can do it like you. I've missed that we used to research together, supporting each other and getting through those long nights. You make me feel clever, and our relationship cannot be ignored anymore. I'm willing to work for it. I had forgotten how much I loved you. I can't get you out of my head. The way that you let me say whatever I want and the way you make me sound intelligent. The time we spend together may not be as long as you or I hope, but I am so sorry for abandoning you. To be back with you is amazing, you allow me to be intelliectual and creative without calling me a nerd. You don't mind me taking the odd break. But you know that I'll always come back to you. I know we have deadlines, but that doesn't mean we can't be together and enjoy the time we have. I've missed you. Glad to have you back essay, this year will be more epic than the last. We get to spend at least 10,000 words together.
Love.
x
Love.
x
Monday 15 November 2010
Hope
Hope. Hope is everything, isn't it? It's everything we want, the things we wish for, and the things we dream about and the things we want, however big or small.
Hope is so important. Some more than others have had those times, where there is no hope. A lack of hope can be the knife edge between being here, and being gone. Which is terrifying but hope is the thing, as awful as that situation is, which allows us to save ourself.
We hope for stupid things, and serious things. Hope is an integral part of our lives, and without it, life can be dark and the future bleak. Hope however, is that vague thought, that it won't last forever and that the future is far brighter than the present.
Hope is many different things for many different people, hope is God, hope is family, friends, loved ones, hope is the dog, hope is seeing the sunrise, hope is one good thing amongst the bad, hope is the light at the end of the tunnel, hope is music, hope is poetry, art and singing, hope is driving at 12am and finding what you were looking for, hope is txt messages saying not to be scared, hope is a friendly face an a bleak day, hope is everything and everywhere.
But hope can be so elusive. It is only thing to hope for a better future, but in order to secure that regardless of how small or big you hope, steps have to be taken (however small and shaky). It's easy to say you hope for something but so much harder to do something about it. I think the first step is writing it down. Whilst I am on this topic it is worth checking out http://fieldofdreamsproject.tumblr.com/ and also http://twitter.com/FieldofDreamser
These are both run by the the writer of Bangsandabun.com (which I might add is a fantastic blog).
If you build it, they will come. Cheesy, but has a whole lot of truth.
As big or as small are the things we hope for, any step towards it, is a progress and a step forward from hoping to having.
Hope is everything, it moves us forward and keeps us going.
Without it, I fear the best people in my life wouldn't be here, and neither would I.
Hope is everything.
To name drop again, in terms of issues, To Write Love On Her Arms is a fantastic organisation giving hope for those suffering with depression, self injury, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction and similar problems. When you are suffering with any sort of problem, hope can be so elusive, but it is projects and organisations like these which help fuel that light at the end of the tunnel, and can keep us moving forward instead of static.
Love.
x
But hope can be so elusive. It is only thing to hope for a better future, but in order to secure that regardless of how small or big you hope, steps have to be taken (however small and shaky). It's easy to say you hope for something but so much harder to do something about it. I think the first step is writing it down. Whilst I am on this topic it is worth checking out http://fieldofdreamsproject.tumblr.com/ and also http://twitter.com/FieldofDreamser
These are both run by the the writer of Bangsandabun.com (which I might add is a fantastic blog).
If you build it, they will come. Cheesy, but has a whole lot of truth.
As big or as small are the things we hope for, any step towards it, is a progress and a step forward from hoping to having.
Hope is everything, it moves us forward and keeps us going.
Without it, I fear the best people in my life wouldn't be here, and neither would I.
Hope is everything.
To name drop again, in terms of issues, To Write Love On Her Arms is a fantastic organisation giving hope for those suffering with depression, self injury, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction and similar problems. When you are suffering with any sort of problem, hope can be so elusive, but it is projects and organisations like these which help fuel that light at the end of the tunnel, and can keep us moving forward instead of static.
Love.
x
Sunday 14 November 2010
Sickness still and shopping
Hello! I am still really I'll but I will try and just do a little post today.
Basically I am writing about anxiety in food shopping. The short story is I have an eating disorder, and I am in out patient recovery for it. But today is not the time to discuss that story. In addition to this I am just an anxious person.
Food shopping thus, is a HELL for me. I spend like hours wandering round, panicking about what to buy, whether it is ok to buy that more than something else, I get scared that I will forget something. I get scared just about buying the food, because I have to eat it. I get scared that I will buy lots and lots of food and eat it and get fat. Seriously, it's awful. It's the worst thing ever. And I have had to go twice in two days because I just cannot cope with planning ahead with food, or then I will panic about it then!
Ahhh it's awful.
But yeah today I had to go and do that. Drag myself to do my face and hair to look like a human, and then drag myself to do the horror of food shopping. And then I fell asleep! And did nothing else other than watch Never Mind the Buzzcocks, QI and Have I Got News for You. good stuff.
But I am still poorly, hopefully I will be more able to write an interesting post tomorrow :)
x
Basically I am writing about anxiety in food shopping. The short story is I have an eating disorder, and I am in out patient recovery for it. But today is not the time to discuss that story. In addition to this I am just an anxious person.
Food shopping thus, is a HELL for me. I spend like hours wandering round, panicking about what to buy, whether it is ok to buy that more than something else, I get scared that I will forget something. I get scared just about buying the food, because I have to eat it. I get scared that I will buy lots and lots of food and eat it and get fat. Seriously, it's awful. It's the worst thing ever. And I have had to go twice in two days because I just cannot cope with planning ahead with food, or then I will panic about it then!
Ahhh it's awful.
But yeah today I had to go and do that. Drag myself to do my face and hair to look like a human, and then drag myself to do the horror of food shopping. And then I fell asleep! And did nothing else other than watch Never Mind the Buzzcocks, QI and Have I Got News for You. good stuff.
But I am still poorly, hopefully I will be more able to write an interesting post tomorrow :)
x
Saturday 13 November 2010
Sick again
Just a quick update because I said I would post everyday this month. I am really sick I can't speak and I am really really tired.
Sat here eating chocolate as I can't move to make food, which is uncool.
I will hopefully have more energy to blog tomorrow.
Love.
x
Sat here eating chocolate as I can't move to make food, which is uncool.
I will hopefully have more energy to blog tomorrow.
Love.
x
Friday 12 November 2010
Sex Standards and Double Standards.
I am not going to lie to you I have no idea how this post is going to turn out as I am struggling to think of things to write about.
Today however I read an article about the 4D man, and it was basically saying how there are all these different labels for different 'types' of men. I don't like this, but it made me think about all the boxes we expect men to check. A lot of the time we hear about hard done by women who are expected to conform to certain stereotypes, but I think it is just as apparent but not as well reported in men.
Men are expected to act a certain way, use certain language, dress in certain ways, react to women in a certain way, to read minds, be a gentleman, not be sexist, not be too gentlemanly to illicit terrifying consequences from women who might want to open doors for themselves. There is such a fine balance between being a sexist pig through being sexist, and being a sexist pig through being nice to a lady (i.e. opening doors - she can't do it for herself). I think females tend to look into situations a bit more than lads do, but I might be generalising too much. I think it is however, just as apparent as it is in women though. It's not ok for a man to grope a woman's arse and shout things at her, but it's ok for a drunken hen party to do it? No I don't think so. It's full of bloody double standards.
Which brings me nicely onto my second also badly expressed topic.
I have a wonderful double standard, whereby I expect people to be nice and to comfort me if something bad goes wrong, but if it happens to someone else, I'm just like MAN UP! Of course depending on what it is and who it is. Also, people say things to me like 'You'll be fine' and I'm like...ok what, I'm not fine -crazy lady act- and then when someone else is having a tizwas I'm like...ahhh you'll be fine man.
I am an idiot, but we all do it. People expect other people to be nice to them, but we don't always expect to have to be nice to other people, and we aren't always nice! I expect people not to steal my car parking spaces, but I would probably steal one if I had the balls/was pissed off enough.
Relationships and friendships are probably the best ground for them. We expect people to be mind readers and to be there when you want them, regardless of life and work and school and stuff. However, when the shoe is on the other foot, we are completely different.
Ahh. I love it. I expect people not to be cold to me, but I appear/am cold on first impressions (and second...).
But that's life. Oh that's another great one I do. It's cool for me to say 'but that's just life' to people but when people do it to me when I am in a neurotic mess I generally become a mass of swear words and not a person.
So there we go.
I have really little idea what I am on about.
But NaBloPoMo! So needs must, sorry for the rambly ramble (more than usual!).
x
Today however I read an article about the 4D man, and it was basically saying how there are all these different labels for different 'types' of men. I don't like this, but it made me think about all the boxes we expect men to check. A lot of the time we hear about hard done by women who are expected to conform to certain stereotypes, but I think it is just as apparent but not as well reported in men.
Men are expected to act a certain way, use certain language, dress in certain ways, react to women in a certain way, to read minds, be a gentleman, not be sexist, not be too gentlemanly to illicit terrifying consequences from women who might want to open doors for themselves. There is such a fine balance between being a sexist pig through being sexist, and being a sexist pig through being nice to a lady (i.e. opening doors - she can't do it for herself). I think females tend to look into situations a bit more than lads do, but I might be generalising too much. I think it is however, just as apparent as it is in women though. It's not ok for a man to grope a woman's arse and shout things at her, but it's ok for a drunken hen party to do it? No I don't think so. It's full of bloody double standards.
Which brings me nicely onto my second also badly expressed topic.
I have a wonderful double standard, whereby I expect people to be nice and to comfort me if something bad goes wrong, but if it happens to someone else, I'm just like MAN UP! Of course depending on what it is and who it is. Also, people say things to me like 'You'll be fine' and I'm like...ok what, I'm not fine -crazy lady act- and then when someone else is having a tizwas I'm like...ahhh you'll be fine man.
I am an idiot, but we all do it. People expect other people to be nice to them, but we don't always expect to have to be nice to other people, and we aren't always nice! I expect people not to steal my car parking spaces, but I would probably steal one if I had the balls/was pissed off enough.
Relationships and friendships are probably the best ground for them. We expect people to be mind readers and to be there when you want them, regardless of life and work and school and stuff. However, when the shoe is on the other foot, we are completely different.
Ahh. I love it. I expect people not to be cold to me, but I appear/am cold on first impressions (and second...).
But that's life. Oh that's another great one I do. It's cool for me to say 'but that's just life' to people but when people do it to me when I am in a neurotic mess I generally become a mass of swear words and not a person.
So there we go.
I have really little idea what I am on about.
But NaBloPoMo! So needs must, sorry for the rambly ramble (more than usual!).
x
Thursday 11 November 2010
Ignorance and Idiocy.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/britainatwar/8125674/Armistice-Day-protesters-burn-poppy.html
Right shall we read this please. Before we jump on the hate, racism and nationalistic band wagon.
Yes I posted about this, but I feel the need that now I have calmed down a bit, to be a bit more articulate with it.
So, they protested. For, in my honest opinions, good reasons. It is true, where is the silence for those innocent people who have died in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars?
Is it still right for this message of hatred to be go around:
"Today Muslims broke the 2 minute silence in Central London with banners saying "British Soldiers Burn In Hell" & the burning of a poppy. if you don't like us British people paying respect for our brave fighters, then you know where the airport is. disgusting, disrespectful bastards, if you agree that its about time we stood up for our country n told these racists to fuck off then repost to get the message across"
Right shall we read this please. Before we jump on the hate, racism and nationalistic band wagon.
Yes I posted about this, but I feel the need that now I have calmed down a bit, to be a bit more articulate with it.
So, they protested. For, in my honest opinions, good reasons. It is true, where is the silence for those innocent people who have died in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars?
Is it still right for this message of hatred to be go around:
"Today Muslims broke the 2 minute silence in Central London with banners saying "British Soldiers Burn In Hell" & the burning of a poppy. if you don't like us British people paying respect for our brave fighters, then you know where the airport is. disgusting, disrespectful bastards, if you agree that its about time we stood up for our country n told these racists to fuck off then repost to get the message across"
I don't think so. What we are looking at here, are people, uneducated about the facts jumping to huge and massive hateful conclusions. Conclusions now which to me seem hugely racist and also show how racist us British people can be. We love to think that we are tolerant and accepting but the reality is that there are still these ugly statements being passed on and agreed with.
We cannot blindly accept that it is right to hate because they have stood up for something they believe in. They are British citizens too and have that right, and we are WRONG to do this to them.
We cannot treat people like an out group and hold such blatant hostility. WE SHOULD TREAT PEOPLE HOW WE WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED.
They are standing up for what they believe in, a protest of anti war, and of remembering ALL of those in wars. Not just the British but EVERYONE. As they should do.
But telling these people to 'fuck off' we are being racist. They are not being racist, they are protesting about something not to do with race.
Also remembrance day is not purely British so how can it be racist?
The disgusting ones are those spreading this message of hate when they are not informed of what actually went on. Perspective is a wonderful thing and it sickens me that people are not intelligent enough to seek another persons point of view and just jump onto the BRITAIN FOR BRITISH bandwagon.
It's racist, intolerant and fuels messages of hate that should not be about in this day and age.
Please. If you are going to make these accusations, first take a walk in their shoes.
You might learn something.
x
But telling these people to 'fuck off' we are being racist. They are not being racist, they are protesting about something not to do with race.
Also remembrance day is not purely British so how can it be racist?
The disgusting ones are those spreading this message of hate when they are not informed of what actually went on. Perspective is a wonderful thing and it sickens me that people are not intelligent enough to seek another persons point of view and just jump onto the BRITAIN FOR BRITISH bandwagon.
It's racist, intolerant and fuels messages of hate that should not be about in this day and age.
Please. If you are going to make these accusations, first take a walk in their shoes.
You might learn something.
x
Intolerance
Something has occurred to me in the last few days. I was having a discussion with someone yesterday about funding going to 3rd world counties. Basically his view was England for the English. We had a discussion and I tried to see his point of view, but there was a point where I felt he was using religion such as muslim/non muslim divides as a point of racism. This upset me, because I spoke about the religious divides that occurred in Northern Ireland, however because both parties were white, no one was ready to deport them and burn down their churches.
There seems to be a lot of this recently. Apparently there were muslims who burnt poppies today? I have no idea if this is true, but to me there are a lot of these incidents whereby some extremist muslims do something that people disagree with, and following this all muslims are tarred with the same brush and we get reports that they should be deported and punished. However, I think this is also an issue with race. Why should they be deported, they may be british white muslims? Religion and race are not the same thing, and religion should not be used as a cover for racism. Did we start saying all white people and all Christians were evil when there were the conflicts in Northern Ireland. No, we didn't. However there is some issue with jokes such as all Northern Irish people are terrorists. So this shows my point the race, is clearly associated with events related to extremists.
This is wrong and I hate it. People are people. We should treat them as such. We cannot be intolerant dependant on where they were born. We are all born equal. We do not control where we are born. We are brought up with beliefs yes, but we should be able to not only challenge but try and see the point of view of others. We are all born equal. I guess sometimes it is easy to forget that.
What is the point of hatred based on race and religion. Sure some people burned poppies, some people do a lot of horrible things, they could have murdered hundreds of people. We are people, not labels. People murder, people are extremists. Not muslims, chinese, white, christian, purple or whatever people. Labels are a dangerous thing.
Help fellow man and all that. I guess we have to help people if we want them to help us.
I'd rather be treated as the person that I am, and not by any labels people may attach to me.
EDIT:
Today Muslims broke the 2 minute silence in Central London with banners saying "British Soldiers Burn In Hell" & the burning of a poppy. if you don't like us British people paying respect for our brave fighters, then you know where the airport is. disgusting, disrespectful bastards, if you agree that its about time we stood up for our country n told these racists to fuck off then repost to get the message across
Saw this on facebook.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT.
Ok lets pick this apart.
1. NOT ALL MUSLIMS ARE NON-BRITSH
2. NOT ALL MUSLIMS THINK THIS WAY
3. THIS MESSAGE IS FUCKING RACIST
4. THIS MESSAGE IS USING RELIGION TO COVER FOR RACISM
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DISAGREE AND SHOW IGNORANCE, WE DO IT WHEN THEY TRY TO PUT UP MUSLIM PLACES OF WORSHIP. WE ARE NO BETTER THAN THEY ARE, THEIR IGNORANCE IS NO DIFFERENCE THAN OUR. WE SHOULD BE DOING BETTER TO UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DID THIS, THAN TRY AND TAKE THE FUCKING MORAL HIGH GROUND.
THIS MAKES ME SICK AND ASHAMED TO BE BRITISH. WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOLERANT AND EDUCATED. NOT DISCRIMINATORY, RACIST AND RALLYING UP RACIST MESSAGES LIKE THIS ON FACEBOOK AND SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES. THINGS LIKE THIS MAKES THE DIVIDES WE CREATE IN OUR SOCIETIES WORSE. IF WE WANT THEM TO BE LIKE US, WE SHOULD STOP FUCKING TREATING THEM LIKE AN OUT GROUP BUT ACCEPTING THEM AS PART OF OUR MULTICULTURAL STATE. WHAT MAKES US A GREAT COUNTRY IS OUR ACCEPTANCE AND TOLERANCE, BUT TAKING STEPS BACK TO RACISM MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH. THIS IS NOT FUCKING COOL, THIS IS A DISGRACE.
ENGLAND FOR THE ENGLISH?
WITH BEHAVIOUR LIKE THIS
I'D RATHER NOT BE FUCKING ENGLISH.
x
There seems to be a lot of this recently. Apparently there were muslims who burnt poppies today? I have no idea if this is true, but to me there are a lot of these incidents whereby some extremist muslims do something that people disagree with, and following this all muslims are tarred with the same brush and we get reports that they should be deported and punished. However, I think this is also an issue with race. Why should they be deported, they may be british white muslims? Religion and race are not the same thing, and religion should not be used as a cover for racism. Did we start saying all white people and all Christians were evil when there were the conflicts in Northern Ireland. No, we didn't. However there is some issue with jokes such as all Northern Irish people are terrorists. So this shows my point the race, is clearly associated with events related to extremists.
This is wrong and I hate it. People are people. We should treat them as such. We cannot be intolerant dependant on where they were born. We are all born equal. We do not control where we are born. We are brought up with beliefs yes, but we should be able to not only challenge but try and see the point of view of others. We are all born equal. I guess sometimes it is easy to forget that.
What is the point of hatred based on race and religion. Sure some people burned poppies, some people do a lot of horrible things, they could have murdered hundreds of people. We are people, not labels. People murder, people are extremists. Not muslims, chinese, white, christian, purple or whatever people. Labels are a dangerous thing.
Help fellow man and all that. I guess we have to help people if we want them to help us.
I'd rather be treated as the person that I am, and not by any labels people may attach to me.
EDIT:
Today Muslims broke the 2 minute silence in Central London with banners saying "British Soldiers Burn In Hell" & the burning of a poppy. if you don't like us British people paying respect for our brave fighters, then you know where the airport is. disgusting, disrespectful bastards, if you agree that its about time we stood up for our country n told these racists to fuck off then repost to get the message across
Saw this on facebook.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT.
Ok lets pick this apart.
1. NOT ALL MUSLIMS ARE NON-BRITSH
2. NOT ALL MUSLIMS THINK THIS WAY
3. THIS MESSAGE IS FUCKING RACIST
4. THIS MESSAGE IS USING RELIGION TO COVER FOR RACISM
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DISAGREE AND SHOW IGNORANCE, WE DO IT WHEN THEY TRY TO PUT UP MUSLIM PLACES OF WORSHIP. WE ARE NO BETTER THAN THEY ARE, THEIR IGNORANCE IS NO DIFFERENCE THAN OUR. WE SHOULD BE DOING BETTER TO UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DID THIS, THAN TRY AND TAKE THE FUCKING MORAL HIGH GROUND.
THIS MAKES ME SICK AND ASHAMED TO BE BRITISH. WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOLERANT AND EDUCATED. NOT DISCRIMINATORY, RACIST AND RALLYING UP RACIST MESSAGES LIKE THIS ON FACEBOOK AND SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES. THINGS LIKE THIS MAKES THE DIVIDES WE CREATE IN OUR SOCIETIES WORSE. IF WE WANT THEM TO BE LIKE US, WE SHOULD STOP FUCKING TREATING THEM LIKE AN OUT GROUP BUT ACCEPTING THEM AS PART OF OUR MULTICULTURAL STATE. WHAT MAKES US A GREAT COUNTRY IS OUR ACCEPTANCE AND TOLERANCE, BUT TAKING STEPS BACK TO RACISM MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH. THIS IS NOT FUCKING COOL, THIS IS A DISGRACE.
ENGLAND FOR THE ENGLISH?
WITH BEHAVIOUR LIKE THIS
I'D RATHER NOT BE FUCKING ENGLISH.
x
Wednesday 10 November 2010
Protests
Today in London was a protest addressing the issues of the fee rises that the coalition government is proposing. The fee rise may be a good idea, because there are a lot of people at university who are only there because it is the easy choice, it is the next step and they can deal with the financial burden. In 3rd year we now have a lot of people who do not want to be there, and this is frustrating, as yes everyone has a right to education but only if they want it. There is a huge issue with people just going to university because it is the 'done thing'. This annoys me, because people should be able to think for themselves, weigh up the options and whether it is what they really want and not just do a degree for the sake of it, because it is what everyone else is doing.
When I took my degree I made sure it was what I wanted, whether it would give me good career options and challenge me academically and also I made sure I could afford it.
These protests turned violent and for me, it upsets me and makes me ashamed to be a student. Violent protests get us nowhere, and what would be interesting to see, if all 30,000 of those people who turned up, voted. If they did, good, if they didn't I don't see the point of protesting. You have to make the point through the means you are given, through the representative government we have.
For me this isn't an issue with fees however, it is an issue with the degree itself. Labour did a good thing in broadening the amount of people who could go to university and get a further education for those who were capable but couldn't afford it otherwise. Now it is seen as the done thing, most students go on to do a-levels and then degrees. The degree however is not a necessity and has been put on this pedestal that it is a commodity needed in the job market. It is not. This is the key issue, there are things such as business, graphic design, entrepreneurship etc etc that could be taught in house, with things such as apprenticeships. But alternatives to the degree are looked down upon and they shouldn't be. If you want to do something like nursing, for example, surely it would be best to do that in a hospital not in a university? Business, surely it would be better to work up the ranks, get to know what it's like to work for a business, to work as part of a whole team, and how the whole thing works in practice not in theory.
There are many examples, yes certain things should be taught at university, sciences, languages, economics, some social sciences, medicine, dentistry. But not everyone NEEDS a degree. If we could get over this and accept that alternatives may be better than getting a degree, like apprenticeships, and give them the same academic clout and weighting as degrees then maybe we would not have such an issue with fees. Fees need to rise as there are too many people at university, and whilst it is great that everyone has this opportunity, there are a lot of people who just stick out the 3 years as they feel it is what they are supposed to do, which is not the point of the degree. Degrees you should be passionate about not just do them because everyone else is.
Maybe when these misconceptions and labels associated with higher and further education are challenged, the issue of fee rises may become obsolete. People need to think for themselves and not just do things because everyone else is, or because the government said so, or these statistics said this. It is a personal choice.
The protests just make this more clear, they have had a clear goal to stop the fee rises. Violence has broken out, extra police, funding to fix the building that was broken into, where is that money coming from - the government. Oh...
Signs such as "F**K FEES" were seen, well that's not the articulate argument that should be presented. As students we should work with the system to bring it down and not resort to these extremist ways. Or at the very least we could be less rude and more witty than "F**K FEES". I completely understand why they are protesting, as there is a huge risk that lower middle and working classes will not go to university, or even apply due to fear of debt. This has always been a fear though. For me, if I was capable enough and had the drive, I'd work before uni, I'd save, I'd figure it out so I could go, because I am from a working class family and I know what it is like to struggle for money for university. If I wanted it that bad, I'd do it. In all reality, if you want it that bad, you deserve to go to university.
This is a sensitive topic I know as some people feel the system may be elitist, which is a great fear of mine. The system is wrong though, the political and the educational one, it is transmitting values about university and degrees that it shouldn't be and we should be using the tools we have to break these from the inside out. Running for election, VOTING!, writing to local MP's, writing to who ever you can, but these protests always end up violent, and because of that fact, they are shooting themselves in the foot.
I guess the good thing from this, is that at least people are getting angry and getting upset with the government. Since protests seem to have lost their power, post poll-tax protests. Anti-war efforts etc, failed and if this does, it will show this further. I guess the thing is though, as angry as people are, should violence be the way to show this? Protests clearly show a disagreement with the government however, should this not be changed through fully informing the public about the voting system about parties and ideologies. If we teach people about the parties and the system, people can vote in masses to bring it down and to change it, and to know what they are actually voting for. It may be a case of political education which may change this, but violence is not the answer for these types of things, it just lessens the clout that the cause has.
Just some food for thought about todays events. This is all my opinion so take it as what you will.
x
When I took my degree I made sure it was what I wanted, whether it would give me good career options and challenge me academically and also I made sure I could afford it.
These protests turned violent and for me, it upsets me and makes me ashamed to be a student. Violent protests get us nowhere, and what would be interesting to see, if all 30,000 of those people who turned up, voted. If they did, good, if they didn't I don't see the point of protesting. You have to make the point through the means you are given, through the representative government we have.
For me this isn't an issue with fees however, it is an issue with the degree itself. Labour did a good thing in broadening the amount of people who could go to university and get a further education for those who were capable but couldn't afford it otherwise. Now it is seen as the done thing, most students go on to do a-levels and then degrees. The degree however is not a necessity and has been put on this pedestal that it is a commodity needed in the job market. It is not. This is the key issue, there are things such as business, graphic design, entrepreneurship etc etc that could be taught in house, with things such as apprenticeships. But alternatives to the degree are looked down upon and they shouldn't be. If you want to do something like nursing, for example, surely it would be best to do that in a hospital not in a university? Business, surely it would be better to work up the ranks, get to know what it's like to work for a business, to work as part of a whole team, and how the whole thing works in practice not in theory.
There are many examples, yes certain things should be taught at university, sciences, languages, economics, some social sciences, medicine, dentistry. But not everyone NEEDS a degree. If we could get over this and accept that alternatives may be better than getting a degree, like apprenticeships, and give them the same academic clout and weighting as degrees then maybe we would not have such an issue with fees. Fees need to rise as there are too many people at university, and whilst it is great that everyone has this opportunity, there are a lot of people who just stick out the 3 years as they feel it is what they are supposed to do, which is not the point of the degree. Degrees you should be passionate about not just do them because everyone else is.
Maybe when these misconceptions and labels associated with higher and further education are challenged, the issue of fee rises may become obsolete. People need to think for themselves and not just do things because everyone else is, or because the government said so, or these statistics said this. It is a personal choice.
The protests just make this more clear, they have had a clear goal to stop the fee rises. Violence has broken out, extra police, funding to fix the building that was broken into, where is that money coming from - the government. Oh...
Signs such as "F**K FEES" were seen, well that's not the articulate argument that should be presented. As students we should work with the system to bring it down and not resort to these extremist ways. Or at the very least we could be less rude and more witty than "F**K FEES". I completely understand why they are protesting, as there is a huge risk that lower middle and working classes will not go to university, or even apply due to fear of debt. This has always been a fear though. For me, if I was capable enough and had the drive, I'd work before uni, I'd save, I'd figure it out so I could go, because I am from a working class family and I know what it is like to struggle for money for university. If I wanted it that bad, I'd do it. In all reality, if you want it that bad, you deserve to go to university.
This is a sensitive topic I know as some people feel the system may be elitist, which is a great fear of mine. The system is wrong though, the political and the educational one, it is transmitting values about university and degrees that it shouldn't be and we should be using the tools we have to break these from the inside out. Running for election, VOTING!, writing to local MP's, writing to who ever you can, but these protests always end up violent, and because of that fact, they are shooting themselves in the foot.
I guess the good thing from this, is that at least people are getting angry and getting upset with the government. Since protests seem to have lost their power, post poll-tax protests. Anti-war efforts etc, failed and if this does, it will show this further. I guess the thing is though, as angry as people are, should violence be the way to show this? Protests clearly show a disagreement with the government however, should this not be changed through fully informing the public about the voting system about parties and ideologies. If we teach people about the parties and the system, people can vote in masses to bring it down and to change it, and to know what they are actually voting for. It may be a case of political education which may change this, but violence is not the answer for these types of things, it just lessens the clout that the cause has.
Just some food for thought about todays events. This is all my opinion so take it as what you will.
x
Tuesday 9 November 2010
Late Starter
Hello! This is my first blog post for NaBloPoMo. I am a new blogger and I have a friend doing NaNoWriMo so I thought this would be nice to get me into the swing of blogging often and also to be a bit competitive.
My blog generally consists of me rambling about things, as does my general life. I am quite an opinionated little individual and I tend to have strange things happen to me, as well as good things so I started my blog as an outlet for all the random things that run through my mind.
I have started now NaBloPoMo, and to be honest, I shouldn't have because I have two assignments due in at the beginning of December as well as my dissertation to carry on with and general life things to do.
I am very lucky that I have a ridiculous amount of spare time due to the fact I do nothing but procrastinate all day due to my student status.
All of you reading my blog are about to get a huge insight into my brain and life, for this, I can't apologise as I believe in free will and human choice, sorry loves. I post every day until the month of December, I can do that, I have nothing to do tomorrow so it will be a boring post but oh well.
Today, I was in a lecture discussing consciousness and visual perception. Do you have to be conscious of vision for it to process, according to blindsight not so much. It is incredible, the visual system is not unitary but split, and if vision is impaired by damage of brain area, it can mean that vision can disappear in one side of the brain but they can still 'see'. They are not aware of this. They can detect movement in the 'blind' side (or colours, orientation of lines etc) it's incredible and so strange. Check out this link which includes work by Ramachandran :).
Love :) x
Illness!
Heya, I haven't posted in a few days due to illness and also my internet was down yesterday which sucked a lot. I hate being ill, I had to get up at 6am to take Nurofen for a headache I acquired in my sleep. I am eating like a beast, as I constantly feel like I am going to pass out. I can't seem to sleep at night, so I am over sleeping in the morning, and now I am losing my voice. Wonderful.
This is a great deal better than a few months ago however where my body thought it would be great to make me vomit numerous times at least once a week for over 6 weeks. Not cool.
I've nearly run out of m&m's too. It's cold outside and I feel chilled to the bone.
And I feel sorry for myself. I am such a crap ill person, it makes me so upset when I can't do the things I want to. Even if beforehand I didn't want to do them. Such as uni work. I am now like...argh headache, I want to do work, but in all reality I didn't want to do the work until I felt too poorly to do it. Dog has just passed out asleep on my bed so no crawling into that.
So if anyone wants to send me food and love, please do.
Or if any of my sexy friends want to come and snuggle in bed with me, feel free :)
x
This is a great deal better than a few months ago however where my body thought it would be great to make me vomit numerous times at least once a week for over 6 weeks. Not cool.
I've nearly run out of m&m's too. It's cold outside and I feel chilled to the bone.
And I feel sorry for myself. I am such a crap ill person, it makes me so upset when I can't do the things I want to. Even if beforehand I didn't want to do them. Such as uni work. I am now like...argh headache, I want to do work, but in all reality I didn't want to do the work until I felt too poorly to do it. Dog has just passed out asleep on my bed so no crawling into that.
So if anyone wants to send me food and love, please do.
Or if any of my sexy friends want to come and snuggle in bed with me, feel free :)
x
Sunday 7 November 2010
Winter
I adore winter, it is one of my favourite seasons and felt like sharing this after all, this is what my blog is for!
Waking up on a cold winter morning, snuggled under the duvet, watching the pale grey light as the Sun attempts to get through the bitter cold. I love being able to watch the sun rise without getting up at 4am. I know for some people this makes it less special, but for me, it's something I can enjoy every day due to the late mornings. Winter clothes make me so happy. Wrapping up in layers and cuddling into scarves, hats, coats and gloves. I love the harsh cold winds that come with winter, and that feeling when you enter a warm house after being out in the cold. The fogging up of your glasses when you do this is a fond memory from when I used to walk home from school.
Lazing in a warm bath, trying to muster up the courage to leave. I love the beginnings of winter just before all the dead leaves vanish back into the earth. Leaves are everywhere, and the ground frost freezes them so that when walking through them they crunch delicately under footsteps. Watching the dog jump through and roll in all these frozen leaves is amazing and I love it!
A frosty morning is one of the most beautiful sights, everything is covered by a white cast that just sparkles when the Sun comes up and makes the world a bit more magical.
I must admit, I take no joy in de-icing my car though.
Christmas is one of the best parts of winter. I adore giving presents, it's one of the best things ever. Taking the time to get the perfect gift is fun and I adore it. There is nothing better than seeing their appreciation for it, rather than buying genetic gifts. Which is a little lame, but honestly, it is one of the main reasons I love Christmas so much. I would much rather give presents than receive them! The more exciting parts about Christmas these next few years is that I have a young nephew and in a couple of years time he is going to be really excited about Santa and presents and it will be really really exciting to see.
Snow is one of the greatest anticipations of the winter months. I remember being at school and as soon as it was cold enough to snow, always having the local radio on to see if school was closed for a snow day. I was even lucky enough last winter to get a snow day off of University! I adore snow. I am such a child, I love building snowmen and having snowball fights. Waking up on that first day of snow to see a unspoiled carpet of snow covering everything. It doesn't last long mind you.
There is also something quite special about watching your neighbours dig their cars out of the snow to get to work, and then see the slow realisation that they are not getting in, and later, see them building snowmen with their kids!
Spending New Year mildly intoxicated whilst you watch Jools Holland is another fond one. Watching your friend down a bottle of Southern Comfort, miss new year completely, and spend the night over your friends kitchen sink is another good one. Oh and also breaking the hosts spare bed and throwing up over his friends. New Year is always fantastic as for me, it always feels like a new chance. For things to change and be different than the year before, to be better regardless of what life throws at you.
I love the amusing fitness dvd's that always come out in January and the abundance of diet programs, adverts and before and after articles.
The nice thing about the late winter is the brighter nights, but still with that pale greyness that seems to appear the whole season. February brings Valentines which is a hell for some people, but I think it is always nice regardless of if you have someone or not. It's always great to show someone you love them, friends, family, or romantic peoples :). Then as everyone realises that spring is coming out, I love the hope that we may actually see the Sun again, except living in England the Sun does not appear until around July at best.
I love winter so much. I love the snuggly-ness of it (ok it is out of necessity but oh well!), the holidays that fall within it, advent calendars, being slightly fatter, the cold, the frost, the possibility of snow and just everything.
The only bad thing is that holidays like christmas make you miss the ones you love so much. But for me, it is a time to be thankful that you had them in your life and to relive the best memories you had with them. I fondly remember Christmases in Belfast when my Grandad was still alive and walking to the shop with him to get the paper in the cold. As much as I miss him, I am so thankful for those times and those memories.
So there we have it.
Winter = Good.
For me anyway, I know a lot of people hate it due it being cold, wet, dark and full of holidays. For me though, that is the best part (as much as I do complain about having frostbite, as I still wear shorts in winter as I am an idiot).
Love.
x
Waking up on a cold winter morning, snuggled under the duvet, watching the pale grey light as the Sun attempts to get through the bitter cold. I love being able to watch the sun rise without getting up at 4am. I know for some people this makes it less special, but for me, it's something I can enjoy every day due to the late mornings. Winter clothes make me so happy. Wrapping up in layers and cuddling into scarves, hats, coats and gloves. I love the harsh cold winds that come with winter, and that feeling when you enter a warm house after being out in the cold. The fogging up of your glasses when you do this is a fond memory from when I used to walk home from school.
Lazing in a warm bath, trying to muster up the courage to leave. I love the beginnings of winter just before all the dead leaves vanish back into the earth. Leaves are everywhere, and the ground frost freezes them so that when walking through them they crunch delicately under footsteps. Watching the dog jump through and roll in all these frozen leaves is amazing and I love it!
A frosty morning is one of the most beautiful sights, everything is covered by a white cast that just sparkles when the Sun comes up and makes the world a bit more magical.
I must admit, I take no joy in de-icing my car though.
Christmas is one of the best parts of winter. I adore giving presents, it's one of the best things ever. Taking the time to get the perfect gift is fun and I adore it. There is nothing better than seeing their appreciation for it, rather than buying genetic gifts. Which is a little lame, but honestly, it is one of the main reasons I love Christmas so much. I would much rather give presents than receive them! The more exciting parts about Christmas these next few years is that I have a young nephew and in a couple of years time he is going to be really excited about Santa and presents and it will be really really exciting to see.
Snow is one of the greatest anticipations of the winter months. I remember being at school and as soon as it was cold enough to snow, always having the local radio on to see if school was closed for a snow day. I was even lucky enough last winter to get a snow day off of University! I adore snow. I am such a child, I love building snowmen and having snowball fights. Waking up on that first day of snow to see a unspoiled carpet of snow covering everything. It doesn't last long mind you.
There is also something quite special about watching your neighbours dig their cars out of the snow to get to work, and then see the slow realisation that they are not getting in, and later, see them building snowmen with their kids!
Spending New Year mildly intoxicated whilst you watch Jools Holland is another fond one. Watching your friend down a bottle of Southern Comfort, miss new year completely, and spend the night over your friends kitchen sink is another good one. Oh and also breaking the hosts spare bed and throwing up over his friends. New Year is always fantastic as for me, it always feels like a new chance. For things to change and be different than the year before, to be better regardless of what life throws at you.
I love the amusing fitness dvd's that always come out in January and the abundance of diet programs, adverts and before and after articles.
The nice thing about the late winter is the brighter nights, but still with that pale greyness that seems to appear the whole season. February brings Valentines which is a hell for some people, but I think it is always nice regardless of if you have someone or not. It's always great to show someone you love them, friends, family, or romantic peoples :). Then as everyone realises that spring is coming out, I love the hope that we may actually see the Sun again, except living in England the Sun does not appear until around July at best.
I love winter so much. I love the snuggly-ness of it (ok it is out of necessity but oh well!), the holidays that fall within it, advent calendars, being slightly fatter, the cold, the frost, the possibility of snow and just everything.
The only bad thing is that holidays like christmas make you miss the ones you love so much. But for me, it is a time to be thankful that you had them in your life and to relive the best memories you had with them. I fondly remember Christmases in Belfast when my Grandad was still alive and walking to the shop with him to get the paper in the cold. As much as I miss him, I am so thankful for those times and those memories.
So there we have it.
Winter = Good.
For me anyway, I know a lot of people hate it due it being cold, wet, dark and full of holidays. For me though, that is the best part (as much as I do complain about having frostbite, as I still wear shorts in winter as I am an idiot).
Love.
x
Friday 5 November 2010
Anxiety Man
Girls and boys, today we are going to talk about Anxiety Man. One of the worst damn villains out there.
Anxiety man is a bastard.
Anxiety man will get people when you need to concentrate most, in exams, around essay deadlines, public speaking, sexual encounters with sexy people, public places.
These are normal God fearing people.
Now Anxiety Man can also be a bastard, picking on a few selective people to just give chronic anxiety to.
His powers of crippling heart racing and fear, along with the stomach churning and nervous energy of death are enough to send anyone to the crazy home.
Anxiety Man makes you stay in your house for days on end as you are too scared to face the world
Anxiety Man goes to clubs and makes you feel terrified of EVERYONE.
Anxiety Man, fucks you up.
Anxiety Man makes you fearful of everything, and makes your heart race when you are just sitting on your own.
Anxiety Man stops you eating for a whole day because he feels like being a douchebag.
Anxiety Man makes you fearful of saying the things you want to.
Anxiety Man is a dickhead..
Anxiety Man cannot be beaten with a 2 morning course at the community centre.
Anxiety Man does not have an foe.
Anxiety Man kills kittens
Anxiety Man is a TORY
Anxiety Man even fucks with people who do yoga.
And Anxiety Man makes you hate cake.
FUCK YOU ANXIETY MAN.
I'm fighting back.
With hot chocolate and Frosties.
x
Anxiety man is a bastard.
Anxiety man will get people when you need to concentrate most, in exams, around essay deadlines, public speaking, sexual encounters with sexy people, public places.
These are normal God fearing people.
Now Anxiety Man can also be a bastard, picking on a few selective people to just give chronic anxiety to.
His powers of crippling heart racing and fear, along with the stomach churning and nervous energy of death are enough to send anyone to the crazy home.
Anxiety Man makes you stay in your house for days on end as you are too scared to face the world
Anxiety Man goes to clubs and makes you feel terrified of EVERYONE.
Anxiety Man, fucks you up.
Anxiety Man makes you fearful of everything, and makes your heart race when you are just sitting on your own.
Anxiety Man stops you eating for a whole day because he feels like being a douchebag.
Anxiety Man makes you fearful of saying the things you want to.
Anxiety Man is a dickhead..
Anxiety Man cannot be beaten with a 2 morning course at the community centre.
Anxiety Man does not have an foe.
Anxiety Man kills kittens
Anxiety Man is a TORY
Anxiety Man even fucks with people who do yoga.
And Anxiety Man makes you hate cake.
FUCK YOU ANXIETY MAN.
I'm fighting back.
With hot chocolate and Frosties.
x
Newly Single.
I am a newly single person. I was in a relationship for just over 3 years, and it ended around 2 months ago. This might be an odd thing to write about, but this is my blog so, pft.
Being single after such a long time in a relationship is still weird to me, even 2 months on. I find myself lonely a lot of the time, as I was so used to having someone around. Being single is also horribly expensive, you have to go out and meet people, generally in clubs where you have to buy drinks. I am also not a very good single person, I thought that because I was older I might be more socially...adept. Turns out I'm actually worse, which is actually quite funny for me, as I don't really care too much for drunken men in club situations. But still, I'm 20, I should have learnt by now to feel comfortable around strange men surely :|
The other odd thing is that this is the longest I have been single since I was 16. I was with a guy for 10 months just when I turned 16 and then when we split up, within a month I was already seeing someone else - who I saw for 3 years! So I am a bit lost, especially when I have this tendency to run from men.
It's not like I plan on it, I just get scared, and I don't know how to act. I worry that they are making a HUGE mistake and actually deserve better. At this point, I run away. It is MOST stupid. I am not evolved for social situations with possibly romantic men. I have no idea what to do. Seriously if a guy puts his arm around me and I don't know him, I am like freaking out man. I am a freak. of. nature.
Most people find this highly amusing, it's actually a bit uncomfortable, as I should really be able to have the confidence to just...DEAL WITH IT.
But I can't man up. No manning up is occuring. Actually less is occuring, as I apparently don't like physical contact with people. I didn't realise this unlike I was mildly psychoanalysed by everyone I knew.
Becoming newly single basically gives all of your close and non-close friends a free pass to analyse your personality, actions, relationship, habits, and just stupid things. About a month after the break up, I was analysed in one week about 4 times. Four!! In rehab you don't get that much psychoanalysis. Unfortunately they were mostly correct.
But yes. Being newly single is strange, as you are thrown from this comfortable little bubble in which there is alway someone there, someone to do things with, to care for you or whatever. You are thrust into the single world with nothing but your wits about you and some vaguely drunken friends (and greebo's in my case).
I'm not saying I regret the break up, dear lord no, but it's most strange to be single after so long. It has it's good pointsI must admit. I am now starting a band, I have a lot of time for uni friends and uni work. Even though I do not always do uni work. I have a lot of time to get used to my own company, I am learning to play guitar again and I am free to be whoever I like and to be (friends) with whoever I like regardless of another's opinions. Which is good, but it also has it's crap points. When you are low, it is really hard to get used to not having someone to talk to, regardless of whether they understand/are helpful.
I must admit though, it is liberation. I am finally the person I want to be. I am more confident in myself, my views and opinions, my personality, humour and political stance. It's nice to embrace my oddities finally and get on with being the person I want to be, instead of trying to change that. What I am most looking forward to, is eventually sharing those things with someone else who also gets it :)
I have some tips though for the newly single people out there
1. Don't go back - you split up for a reason - someone gave me very good advice 'you always moved forwards never back'.
2. Mourn for the loss of your relationship - even if they were a shit boyfriend, a relationship is something you put time and effort into and you need time to get over that
3. Surround yourself with your friends - proper friends, they will come and look after you
4. (optional) Get very drunk and tell your friends you miss them, that they shouldn't be on Facebook, want to nuzzle in their breasts, want to build houses in and live in their cleavage, or just comment on their Facebook statuses with single words that don't really make any sense.
5. Get over it - you can't hold on forever, you have to let go and forgive.
6. Have some distance from the ex - you might want to be friends, but it will be awkward, make sure enough time has passed so that you are ok with seeing them with having no romantic intent to get back together/want to still poke his eyes out for annoying you.
7. Don't let your ex get you down - they might post pictures up on facebook with other women, and ignore you and act like a fool and just be general tossheads, but that's their problem not yours, just delete them off or hide their posts or refuse to see them until they act nicer - if you wouldn't put up with it from your friends, don't put up with it from an ex.
8. Have fun being single - don't rush into a new relationship, go out, dance, have fun and get out there so you know what the market is like before picking the first one that comes along.
9. Learn something new - do something for yourself, learn to play an instrument, take up a new sport, take up a new hobby - trust me, you will have a lot of new free time.
10. Be yourself - take time to learn who you are now, getting out of a relationship can mess with your identity, but being single is wicked for just being yourself and learning about who you really are, what you like, and what you dislike.
11. Learn - from you old relationship - "Now I know what I don't want, I learnt that with you" - is a lyric from Let it Die from Feist - and it's true. I know now what I don't want, and don't feel bad for that it's a learning curve hopefully peaking in a nice bloke :)
12. Don't have any regrets :)
x
Being single after such a long time in a relationship is still weird to me, even 2 months on. I find myself lonely a lot of the time, as I was so used to having someone around. Being single is also horribly expensive, you have to go out and meet people, generally in clubs where you have to buy drinks. I am also not a very good single person, I thought that because I was older I might be more socially...adept. Turns out I'm actually worse, which is actually quite funny for me, as I don't really care too much for drunken men in club situations. But still, I'm 20, I should have learnt by now to feel comfortable around strange men surely :|
The other odd thing is that this is the longest I have been single since I was 16. I was with a guy for 10 months just when I turned 16 and then when we split up, within a month I was already seeing someone else - who I saw for 3 years! So I am a bit lost, especially when I have this tendency to run from men.
It's not like I plan on it, I just get scared, and I don't know how to act. I worry that they are making a HUGE mistake and actually deserve better. At this point, I run away. It is MOST stupid. I am not evolved for social situations with possibly romantic men. I have no idea what to do. Seriously if a guy puts his arm around me and I don't know him, I am like freaking out man. I am a freak. of. nature.
Most people find this highly amusing, it's actually a bit uncomfortable, as I should really be able to have the confidence to just...DEAL WITH IT.
But I can't man up. No manning up is occuring. Actually less is occuring, as I apparently don't like physical contact with people. I didn't realise this unlike I was mildly psychoanalysed by everyone I knew.
Becoming newly single basically gives all of your close and non-close friends a free pass to analyse your personality, actions, relationship, habits, and just stupid things. About a month after the break up, I was analysed in one week about 4 times. Four!! In rehab you don't get that much psychoanalysis. Unfortunately they were mostly correct.
But yes. Being newly single is strange, as you are thrown from this comfortable little bubble in which there is alway someone there, someone to do things with, to care for you or whatever. You are thrust into the single world with nothing but your wits about you and some vaguely drunken friends (and greebo's in my case).
I'm not saying I regret the break up, dear lord no, but it's most strange to be single after so long. It has it's good pointsI must admit. I am now starting a band, I have a lot of time for uni friends and uni work. Even though I do not always do uni work. I have a lot of time to get used to my own company, I am learning to play guitar again and I am free to be whoever I like and to be (friends) with whoever I like regardless of another's opinions. Which is good, but it also has it's crap points. When you are low, it is really hard to get used to not having someone to talk to, regardless of whether they understand/are helpful.
I must admit though, it is liberation. I am finally the person I want to be. I am more confident in myself, my views and opinions, my personality, humour and political stance. It's nice to embrace my oddities finally and get on with being the person I want to be, instead of trying to change that. What I am most looking forward to, is eventually sharing those things with someone else who also gets it :)
I have some tips though for the newly single people out there
1. Don't go back - you split up for a reason - someone gave me very good advice 'you always moved forwards never back'.
2. Mourn for the loss of your relationship - even if they were a shit boyfriend, a relationship is something you put time and effort into and you need time to get over that
3. Surround yourself with your friends - proper friends, they will come and look after you
4. (optional) Get very drunk and tell your friends you miss them, that they shouldn't be on Facebook, want to nuzzle in their breasts, want to build houses in and live in their cleavage, or just comment on their Facebook statuses with single words that don't really make any sense.
5. Get over it - you can't hold on forever, you have to let go and forgive.
6. Have some distance from the ex - you might want to be friends, but it will be awkward, make sure enough time has passed so that you are ok with seeing them with having no romantic intent to get back together/want to still poke his eyes out for annoying you.
7. Don't let your ex get you down - they might post pictures up on facebook with other women, and ignore you and act like a fool and just be general tossheads, but that's their problem not yours, just delete them off or hide their posts or refuse to see them until they act nicer - if you wouldn't put up with it from your friends, don't put up with it from an ex.
8. Have fun being single - don't rush into a new relationship, go out, dance, have fun and get out there so you know what the market is like before picking the first one that comes along.
9. Learn something new - do something for yourself, learn to play an instrument, take up a new sport, take up a new hobby - trust me, you will have a lot of new free time.
10. Be yourself - take time to learn who you are now, getting out of a relationship can mess with your identity, but being single is wicked for just being yourself and learning about who you really are, what you like, and what you dislike.
11. Learn - from you old relationship - "Now I know what I don't want, I learnt that with you" - is a lyric from Let it Die from Feist - and it's true. I know now what I don't want, and don't feel bad for that it's a learning curve hopefully peaking in a nice bloke :)
12. Don't have any regrets :)
x
Thursday 4 November 2010
Letter to my 16 year old self.
Recently this appeared on twitter, and really struck a chord with me.
Dear Hayley, I know things are not good at the moment, but things will get better. You should dump that boy, he doesn't care for you like you deserve. You are beautiful never forget that, like I did. You are not big you are slim and gorgeous the way you are, stop dieting, you don't need to. Please talk to someone about your moods and your self harming, you are strong, but you need help.
That boy, you know the one, he is going to be around 4 years from now, and you are still going to love him. Kiss him. I promise, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you'll learn and if you don't you'll regret it. I know this. Don't let those boys hurt you though, they aren't worth it. Wait, be single and have some fun before you jump in again, you aren't ready yet, have patience. Darling don't be scared to be yourself, you are fabulous, you just don't realise it yet, embrace your oddities and your sense of humour it will get you many friends. I can promise you that the future is brighter, but still difficult I would not lie to you. You will realise who you really are, though you are lost now. I know it feels like the world is going to end, but it won't I promise. Don't run away from him and run to someone else. Stop running. It will be hard I know, but you have to accept people are going to love you, and find you interesting.
Don't stop studying politics, I know you have ambitions, but you are good at it, and I know how much you love it. I'm you after all. Please stay as strong as you are, because it will get better, I promise just talk to someone, anyone. You have more support than you think. The people you will stay friends with are probably the most unlikely ones to you now, but trust me, they will be good friends. Learn to love yourself, tell yourself you are amazing and you will believe it. Find someone who will support you and understand you. I know you are so unstable right now girl, but you will find your feet. Hang on. Hang on for dear life. It's going to be dark soon, very dark, and I cannot promise that there will not be days like that, but know that you are strong enough to carry on, and that people love and care for you. Please stop self destructing, you are hurting yourself to a point you cannot imagine, please stop dieting, I can promise you that it will get out of control if you don't. You don't want that, trust me it will take everything from you, you are beautiful the way you are. Don't ever start self harming again, no one is worth you doing that to yourself, please, I beg you.
Darling it will be a rough few years, but wait and have patience, which I know is hard for you, but life will look up very soon. Be sensible, and don't be scared of what others say, and don't run from him he'll be a better friend than you think now, and if you do, you'll regret it.
Learn to love yourself, before you learn to love another, because you do not need a guy to remind you that you have self worth. You have self worth, just learn to accept it. You have nothing to be sorry for or to feel guilty about. You are talented and intelligent and beautiful. I hope you realise that one day.
Hayley aged 20 and 4 months.
x
Dear Hayley, I know things are not good at the moment, but things will get better. You should dump that boy, he doesn't care for you like you deserve. You are beautiful never forget that, like I did. You are not big you are slim and gorgeous the way you are, stop dieting, you don't need to. Please talk to someone about your moods and your self harming, you are strong, but you need help.
That boy, you know the one, he is going to be around 4 years from now, and you are still going to love him. Kiss him. I promise, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you'll learn and if you don't you'll regret it. I know this. Don't let those boys hurt you though, they aren't worth it. Wait, be single and have some fun before you jump in again, you aren't ready yet, have patience. Darling don't be scared to be yourself, you are fabulous, you just don't realise it yet, embrace your oddities and your sense of humour it will get you many friends. I can promise you that the future is brighter, but still difficult I would not lie to you. You will realise who you really are, though you are lost now. I know it feels like the world is going to end, but it won't I promise. Don't run away from him and run to someone else. Stop running. It will be hard I know, but you have to accept people are going to love you, and find you interesting.
Don't stop studying politics, I know you have ambitions, but you are good at it, and I know how much you love it. I'm you after all. Please stay as strong as you are, because it will get better, I promise just talk to someone, anyone. You have more support than you think. The people you will stay friends with are probably the most unlikely ones to you now, but trust me, they will be good friends. Learn to love yourself, tell yourself you are amazing and you will believe it. Find someone who will support you and understand you. I know you are so unstable right now girl, but you will find your feet. Hang on. Hang on for dear life. It's going to be dark soon, very dark, and I cannot promise that there will not be days like that, but know that you are strong enough to carry on, and that people love and care for you. Please stop self destructing, you are hurting yourself to a point you cannot imagine, please stop dieting, I can promise you that it will get out of control if you don't. You don't want that, trust me it will take everything from you, you are beautiful the way you are. Don't ever start self harming again, no one is worth you doing that to yourself, please, I beg you.
Darling it will be a rough few years, but wait and have patience, which I know is hard for you, but life will look up very soon. Be sensible, and don't be scared of what others say, and don't run from him he'll be a better friend than you think now, and if you do, you'll regret it.
Learn to love yourself, before you learn to love another, because you do not need a guy to remind you that you have self worth. You have self worth, just learn to accept it. You have nothing to be sorry for or to feel guilty about. You are talented and intelligent and beautiful. I hope you realise that one day.
Hayley aged 20 and 4 months.
x
Ramble 4 Men, why do they confuse me so!
MORE POSTING
Men, ok. One: why, just why. Two: I don't understand them at all.
Ok situation 1: I think this dude likes me, actually I'm damn sure of it. Then he asks someone else out.
- ok lets analyse this. And this has happened multiple times....seriously...
1. why did you make me feel like you like me.
2. WHY.
3. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
Ok, why make your feelings clear, and then change your mind.
I have spent MANY nights pondering this, as I am single now, and I would like to at least have been given a chance! I have no answer for this other than he found someone better, within a week or two. I don't believe this, as I am pretty awesome.
Immaturity - ok, we are all immature, but I don't get why some men just act like children
Situation 2: boy ignores me for effect, boy acts in a foolish way just to piss me off, boy insults me to try and get me to like him...
Ok what the fuck did I do wrong - nothing I can assure you - so why! Men always leave me going WHY!! Why do you do that, it's stupid, stop acting like a child and man up. MAN UP. Also, why would this make me attracted to you, there is a difference between banter and insulting. Mainly it is sexism and thinking I am an idiot. Please, I know I have breasts, but they do not suck away my intelligence. Nor does their mere existence mean I want to suck you. Thanks. Stop this douchebaggery because you might find me a little bit attractive, also, take what you give. If you can't take being insulted back, stop making fun of me.
Emotional Cripples - this may not just be men, but I find it a common trait in the less neurotic ones
Situation 3: Depressed, boy goes "why can't you just forget about it and be happy sometimes?"...
...this happened. I swore a lot. Why!!! The emotional capacity of a rock. A NON-POROUS ROCK.
Seriously. Actually this has happened with all 3 of my now ex boyfriends.
I love boys, but WHAT. What is that all about.
I've had boys call me fat, stupid, act like douchebags in front of their friends, abandon me for their friends, work, money, other 16 year old girls, sex, ugly girls, I have had boys treat me like I am insane, I have been called crazy, I have been called scary because I am intelligent, I have been called crazy because I am quite open to talking about things, I have been called a whorebag because I am willing to talk about sex and stuff in public, I have been treated like a leper by boys who like me because they think it will make me like them..
no...
Forget films where the blokes understand.
LIFE IS NOT LIKE THAT.
It should be.
It DAMN WELL should be.
So I have decided that it will be and have played out this imaginary situation.
Me: Oh I am MOST LONELY on my own and I miss people, I shall go out and boogie
-boogies-
Man: hello person, you are most sexy and nice and I am a horrible bloke really
Me: oh your a douche bag and have interrupted by boogieing and I am now most upset in my house somehow due to huge inconsistencies and gaps in the plot
Love of life: No fear, I am no longer hiding from you and busy, I have come to spend time with you and cheer you up.
Me: oh, you are most kind and this is good, as I would quite like to have you as I have liked you for a million years, and also I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have lots of sex with you.
Love of life: oh that's good because I have also liked you for a million years too, and also I would like to have lots of sex with you, whilst being a nice, funny, witty gentleman.
Me: WIN.
-boogieing ensues-
-followed by possibilities of romping happily ever after-
The End.
Men. Confusing.
Stick to films man.
x
Men, ok. One: why, just why. Two: I don't understand them at all.
Ok situation 1: I think this dude likes me, actually I'm damn sure of it. Then he asks someone else out.
- ok lets analyse this. And this has happened multiple times....seriously...
1. why did you make me feel like you like me.
2. WHY.
3. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
Ok, why make your feelings clear, and then change your mind.
I have spent MANY nights pondering this, as I am single now, and I would like to at least have been given a chance! I have no answer for this other than he found someone better, within a week or two. I don't believe this, as I am pretty awesome.
Immaturity - ok, we are all immature, but I don't get why some men just act like children
Situation 2: boy ignores me for effect, boy acts in a foolish way just to piss me off, boy insults me to try and get me to like him...
Ok what the fuck did I do wrong - nothing I can assure you - so why! Men always leave me going WHY!! Why do you do that, it's stupid, stop acting like a child and man up. MAN UP. Also, why would this make me attracted to you, there is a difference between banter and insulting. Mainly it is sexism and thinking I am an idiot. Please, I know I have breasts, but they do not suck away my intelligence. Nor does their mere existence mean I want to suck you. Thanks. Stop this douchebaggery because you might find me a little bit attractive, also, take what you give. If you can't take being insulted back, stop making fun of me.
Emotional Cripples - this may not just be men, but I find it a common trait in the less neurotic ones
Situation 3: Depressed, boy goes "why can't you just forget about it and be happy sometimes?"...
...this happened. I swore a lot. Why!!! The emotional capacity of a rock. A NON-POROUS ROCK.
Seriously. Actually this has happened with all 3 of my now ex boyfriends.
I love boys, but WHAT. What is that all about.
I've had boys call me fat, stupid, act like douchebags in front of their friends, abandon me for their friends, work, money, other 16 year old girls, sex, ugly girls, I have had boys treat me like I am insane, I have been called crazy, I have been called scary because I am intelligent, I have been called crazy because I am quite open to talking about things, I have been called a whorebag because I am willing to talk about sex and stuff in public, I have been treated like a leper by boys who like me because they think it will make me like them..
no...
Forget films where the blokes understand.
LIFE IS NOT LIKE THAT.
It should be.
It DAMN WELL should be.
So I have decided that it will be and have played out this imaginary situation.
Me: Oh I am MOST LONELY on my own and I miss people, I shall go out and boogie
-boogies-
Man: hello person, you are most sexy and nice and I am a horrible bloke really
Me: oh your a douche bag and have interrupted by boogieing and I am now most upset in my house somehow due to huge inconsistencies and gaps in the plot
Love of life: No fear, I am no longer hiding from you and busy, I have come to spend time with you and cheer you up.
Me: oh, you are most kind and this is good, as I would quite like to have you as I have liked you for a million years, and also I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have lots of sex with you.
Love of life: oh that's good because I have also liked you for a million years too, and also I would like to have lots of sex with you, whilst being a nice, funny, witty gentleman.
Me: WIN.
-boogieing ensues-
-followed by possibilities of romping happily ever after-
The End.
Men. Confusing.
Stick to films man.
x
Monday 1 November 2010
Ramble 3: Supermarkets
Seriously, what is going on with supermarkets, I fucking hate the places. Ok that is a bit of a lie, I love supermarkets, but I hate going on my own.
I hate the really strange staff that seem to either ignore you when you are evidently lost, or laugh at you when you are too small to reach the top shelf, or pounce on you when you really don't need them.
Now I may be really anti-social, but I want to just go in, not talk to anyone, and get out. I don't want any other human contact. I seem to, however, but unable to achieve this.
If it is not staff, it is people who seem insistent on commenting on the products I am looking at and making small talk.
I DON'T CARE.
Really, I am socially awkward, can you not tell, please leave me alone.
I also hate going alone, as I hate deciding what to get, it has taken me half an hour and much anxiety to decide between two different types of the same food! Ok, I have some clear issues with food but dear lord I hate it.
It's cold and badly lighted, it attracts bizarre and stupid people.
I can never find what I am looking for as they insist on changing the shop floor every week so that I get confused.
And if I manage to get through all of that and actually get what I came for. Avoiding all the other clever advertising ploys that seem to draw me in (buy one get one free, of course I need 100) then the worst part is still yet to come...checkouts.
I hate checkouts, I hated working on a checkout, I hate being a customer at a checkout, thank fuck for self service.
Seriously, working on a checkout you have to be talk to people you don't want to, be hit on by either 14 year olds or 800 year old men, or be insulted. I hated it. It was awful and in all reality, I didn't care much for it, and it made me feel like a potato.
Now I am fairly intelligent person, talking about bread, really doesn't interest me. I was only lucky enough to have a lady come into the shop on a Friday evening where we would discuss things deeper than bread, children and what I was studying at university. This may sound ungrateful, but I don't care about most of their stories, I will never see them again, and I don't see why they would want to waste their time and effort talking to me. I understand politeness and just asking maybe how they are, but I hate this idea of forced conversations between customer and employee. In America is everywhere and it is so false I hate it.
It is one of the things I love about Britain, what you see is what you get.
But yes, I hate it, and when as a customer they try to talk to me I have no time for it. I hate it, it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable because I have nothing to say.
Then there is the hell of getting out of the damn carpark.
Online shopping people, is the way forward for miserable, anti-social people like me.
As FUN as supermarkets can be, I hate them on my own.
Fucking CostCo though, is good in my books, that place is just epic.
:)
rant over.
x
I hate the really strange staff that seem to either ignore you when you are evidently lost, or laugh at you when you are too small to reach the top shelf, or pounce on you when you really don't need them.
Now I may be really anti-social, but I want to just go in, not talk to anyone, and get out. I don't want any other human contact. I seem to, however, but unable to achieve this.
If it is not staff, it is people who seem insistent on commenting on the products I am looking at and making small talk.
I DON'T CARE.
Really, I am socially awkward, can you not tell, please leave me alone.
I also hate going alone, as I hate deciding what to get, it has taken me half an hour and much anxiety to decide between two different types of the same food! Ok, I have some clear issues with food but dear lord I hate it.
It's cold and badly lighted, it attracts bizarre and stupid people.
I can never find what I am looking for as they insist on changing the shop floor every week so that I get confused.
And if I manage to get through all of that and actually get what I came for. Avoiding all the other clever advertising ploys that seem to draw me in (buy one get one free, of course I need 100) then the worst part is still yet to come...checkouts.
I hate checkouts, I hated working on a checkout, I hate being a customer at a checkout, thank fuck for self service.
Seriously, working on a checkout you have to be talk to people you don't want to, be hit on by either 14 year olds or 800 year old men, or be insulted. I hated it. It was awful and in all reality, I didn't care much for it, and it made me feel like a potato.
Now I am fairly intelligent person, talking about bread, really doesn't interest me. I was only lucky enough to have a lady come into the shop on a Friday evening where we would discuss things deeper than bread, children and what I was studying at university. This may sound ungrateful, but I don't care about most of their stories, I will never see them again, and I don't see why they would want to waste their time and effort talking to me. I understand politeness and just asking maybe how they are, but I hate this idea of forced conversations between customer and employee. In America is everywhere and it is so false I hate it.
It is one of the things I love about Britain, what you see is what you get.
But yes, I hate it, and when as a customer they try to talk to me I have no time for it. I hate it, it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable because I have nothing to say.
Then there is the hell of getting out of the damn carpark.
Online shopping people, is the way forward for miserable, anti-social people like me.
As FUN as supermarkets can be, I hate them on my own.
Fucking CostCo though, is good in my books, that place is just epic.
:)
rant over.
x
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