Recently this appeared on twitter, and really struck a chord with me.
Dear Hayley, I know things are not good at the moment, but things will get better. You should dump that boy, he doesn't care for you like you deserve. You are beautiful never forget that, like I did. You are not big you are slim and gorgeous the way you are, stop dieting, you don't need to. Please talk to someone about your moods and your self harming, you are strong, but you need help.
That boy, you know the one, he is going to be around 4 years from now, and you are still going to love him. Kiss him. I promise, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you'll learn and if you don't you'll regret it. I know this. Don't let those boys hurt you though, they aren't worth it. Wait, be single and have some fun before you jump in again, you aren't ready yet, have patience. Darling don't be scared to be yourself, you are fabulous, you just don't realise it yet, embrace your oddities and your sense of humour it will get you many friends. I can promise you that the future is brighter, but still difficult I would not lie to you. You will realise who you really are, though you are lost now. I know it feels like the world is going to end, but it won't I promise. Don't run away from him and run to someone else. Stop running. It will be hard I know, but you have to accept people are going to love you, and find you interesting.
Don't stop studying politics, I know you have ambitions, but you are good at it, and I know how much you love it. I'm you after all. Please stay as strong as you are, because it will get better, I promise just talk to someone, anyone. You have more support than you think. The people you will stay friends with are probably the most unlikely ones to you now, but trust me, they will be good friends. Learn to love yourself, tell yourself you are amazing and you will believe it. Find someone who will support you and understand you. I know you are so unstable right now girl, but you will find your feet. Hang on. Hang on for dear life. It's going to be dark soon, very dark, and I cannot promise that there will not be days like that, but know that you are strong enough to carry on, and that people love and care for you. Please stop self destructing, you are hurting yourself to a point you cannot imagine, please stop dieting, I can promise you that it will get out of control if you don't. You don't want that, trust me it will take everything from you, you are beautiful the way you are. Don't ever start self harming again, no one is worth you doing that to yourself, please, I beg you.
Darling it will be a rough few years, but wait and have patience, which I know is hard for you, but life will look up very soon. Be sensible, and don't be scared of what others say, and don't run from him he'll be a better friend than you think now, and if you do, you'll regret it.
Learn to love yourself, before you learn to love another, because you do not need a guy to remind you that you have self worth. You have self worth, just learn to accept it. You have nothing to be sorry for or to feel guilty about. You are talented and intelligent and beautiful. I hope you realise that one day.
Hayley aged 20 and 4 months.
x
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