Newly Single.

I am a newly single person. I was in a relationship for just over 3 years, and it ended around 2 months ago. This might be an odd thing to write about, but this is my blog so, pft.

Being single after such a long time in a relationship is still weird to me, even 2 months on. I find myself lonely a lot of the time, as I was so used to having someone around. Being single is also horribly expensive, you have to go out and meet people, generally in clubs where you have to buy drinks. I am also not a very good single person, I thought that because I was older I might be more socially...adept. Turns out I'm actually worse, which is actually quite funny for me, as I don't really care too much for drunken men in club situations. But still, I'm 20,  I should have learnt by now to feel comfortable around strange men surely :|
The other odd thing is that this is the longest I have been single since I was 16. I was with a guy for 10 months just when I turned 16 and then when we split up, within a month I was already seeing someone else - who I saw for 3 years! So I am a bit lost, especially when I have this tendency to run from men.

It's not like I plan on it, I just get scared, and I don't know how to act. I worry that they are making a HUGE mistake and actually deserve better. At this point, I run away. It is MOST stupid. I am not evolved for social situations with possibly romantic men. I have no idea what to do. Seriously if a guy puts his arm around me and I don't know him, I am like freaking out man. I am a freak. of. nature.
Most people find this highly amusing, it's actually a bit uncomfortable, as I should really be able to have the confidence to just...DEAL WITH IT.
But I can't man up. No manning up is occuring. Actually less is occuring, as I apparently don't like physical contact with people. I didn't realise this unlike I was mildly psychoanalysed by everyone I knew.

Becoming newly single basically gives all of your close and non-close friends a free pass to analyse your personality, actions, relationship, habits, and just stupid things. About a month after the break up, I was analysed in one week about 4 times. Four!! In rehab you don't get that much psychoanalysis. Unfortunately they were mostly correct.

But yes. Being newly single is strange, as you are thrown from this comfortable little bubble in which there is alway someone there, someone to do things with, to care for you or whatever. You are thrust into the single world with nothing but your wits about you and some vaguely drunken friends (and greebo's in my case).

I'm not saying I regret the break up, dear lord no, but it's most strange to be single after so long. It has it's good pointsI must admit. I am now starting a band, I have a lot of time for uni friends and uni work. Even though I do not always do uni work. I have a lot of time to get used to my own company, I am learning to play guitar again and I am free to be whoever I like and to be (friends) with whoever I like regardless of another's opinions. Which is good, but it also has it's crap points. When you are low, it is really hard to get used to not having someone to talk to, regardless of whether they understand/are helpful.

I must admit though, it is liberation. I am finally the person I want to be. I am more confident in myself, my views and opinions, my personality, humour and political stance. It's nice to embrace my oddities finally and get on with being the person I want to be, instead of trying to change that. What I am most looking forward to, is eventually sharing those things with someone else who also gets it :)

I have some tips though for the newly single people out there

1. Don't go back - you split up for a reason - someone gave me very good advice 'you always moved forwards never back'.

2. Mourn for the loss of your relationship - even if they were a shit boyfriend, a relationship is something you put time and effort into and you need time to get over that

3. Surround yourself with your friends - proper friends, they will come and look after you

4. (optional) Get very drunk and tell your friends you miss them, that they shouldn't be on Facebook, want to nuzzle in their breasts, want to build houses in and live in their cleavage, or just comment on their Facebook statuses with single words that don't really make any sense.

5. Get over it - you can't hold on forever, you have to let go and forgive.

6. Have some distance from the ex - you might want to be friends, but it will be awkward, make sure enough time has passed so that you are ok with seeing them with having no romantic intent to get back together/want to still poke his eyes out for annoying you.

7. Don't let your ex get you down - they might post pictures up on facebook with other women, and ignore you and act like a fool and just be general tossheads, but that's their problem not yours, just delete them off or hide their posts or refuse to see them until they act nicer - if you wouldn't put up with it from your friends, don't put up with it from an ex.

8. Have fun being single - don't rush into a new relationship, go out, dance, have fun and get out there so you know what the market is like before picking the first one that comes along.

9. Learn something new - do something for yourself, learn to play an instrument, take up a new sport, take up a new hobby - trust me, you will have a lot of new free time.

10. Be yourself - take time to learn who you are now, getting out of a relationship can mess with your identity, but being single is wicked for just being yourself and learning about who you really are, what you like, and what you dislike.

11. Learn - from you old relationship - "Now I know what I don't want, I learnt that with you" - is a lyric from Let it Die from Feist - and it's true. I know now what I don't want, and don't feel bad for that it's a learning curve hopefully peaking in a nice bloke :)

12. Don't have any regrets :)


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