The Mental Health Service

This will be a quick post today as I am off out. But I thought I should share an experience I had yesterday with the mental health service in my town.
I am currently under the care of the eating disorders service but I must add I suffer from bad anxiety and depression. Now I go for a follow up meeting as things have been going really badly for me, so basically this appointment has been cancelled...twice about 2 months ago I was meant to have this. This is after they forgot about me all month as 'they went on holiday'. Not only this but I have had so many appointments cancelled and moved as I am 'not urgent'. Now I was told by the psychologist that I shouldn't take this personally. Now I have had a fucking rough time the past 6 months, and they have been very aware of this. I wonder now what it takes to be urgent. I told them that this neglect from the service has basically made me want to be thinner as I am normal weight eating disorder sufferer. The service should be there to help me urgent or not, and to me, things have been urgent but because I was not about to kill myself, I was counted as being 'safe' to do this too.
In addition to this, I told them that I was still struggling to eat regularly and though I gained back a bit of the weight I lost, I still have been losing weight. I was told that they have given me everything they could and that I should be doing all the work to just make it happen. Ok well, by 'everything' we mean one 6 week behavioural course, with me going once every 3 weeks and then once every 2 weeks so this course lasted quite a while, but it was only an hour a time. So yeah. They have given me all the tools, so if I am not using them, it's my fault I am like this. Nice. I told them I felt like this, and they said there was nothing more they could do.
I told them my anxiety is getting really really bad. I get one of two options. 1. A wellbeing service, focused on CBT (google it) and I have done this before, I hated it, and it was horrible for me as my psychologist was always half an hour late, and told me I didn't want to get better as I wasn't trying hard enough (I was in tears at this point...) to get better. 2. I can do one 2 morning course.
I have suffered with anxiety for over 6 years.
2 mornings.
Of CBT
which I have done before
and which I know is short term from not only experience but also from the perspective of a psychology student.
When I say this, I am patronised, and they ask me what I want. I thought they were meant to help me, not just give me limited options. They are underfunded, but that doesn't help me, as selfish as that is.
I am made to feel ungrateful, but I don't want to do a course that is a waste of mine and someone else's time, especially when there is someone who may be better suited for their course.


They never once have tried to help with my depression, despite the fact I mention it every time I go to my follow ups.
I told them last time I had started self harming again (they know this is BAD for me, as I rarely do this except when I really cannot cope anymore) and they never mentioned it again, or treated me like it was serious other than whether I could self treat the injuries and wasn't using dirty things to cut.

oh.



My friend got a letter from the same service basically saying they had done all they could, and she wasn't better, so there was nothing they could do.

I'm starting to worry I'll get that too.
I know that I should WANT this and I do, and I am trying. But they should be trying to help me, not just saying that they have done what they can, and that if I am not doing it right, that it is my fault.
They just cover their backs.
They don't give a fuck.
Because I am not about to die, they don't give a fuck.
I told them this, they told me it was irrational and I know this. But if I was being treated better and not being told that I was 'forgotten' over the summer, as well as 'not urgent' maybe it would be easier.
I spoke to other people using the same service and when I told them I had been pushed aside more than once for urgent out-patient treatment, they said it was shocking and reiterated with what I said.
As this said to me, that I need to be urgent to get the treatment I need.
I know someone who had to tell the doctor she was going to kill herself, just so she could see a psychiatrist.
Also I haven't been treated formally (like cognitive, behavioural etc work) since...spring time. It's been a massive gap and I have only seen my key worker twice since then.
both times things were going down hill and still no service.
I have been abandoned by the very service trying to help me, and frankly I am disgusted.
They told me not to take it so personally on numerous occasions, but to be honest, it's insulting.
Even my parents who are normally quite laid back about these things were disgusted.
I'm eating now. Out of fucking spite. But to be honest, that's not right.
They have had the audacity to tell me I didn't want to recover before, even when I came to them first. Now I want this more than anything, and they are telling me that I am not trying hard enough, as they have...

Yeah..

x